Holy sh*t you guys, this is it.
The homiest of the homeys Graham Skipper, star of stage (Re-Animator The Musical) and screen (Almost Human) has introduced the topic that has plagued the minds of philosophers for decades: Who would win in a fight? Godzilla or The Incredible Hulk? Here are parts One, Two, Three, and Four. Without further ado, the conclusion of Godzilla vs. Hulk.
The pummeling continues as Hulk shrinks in size and power, and he begins to lose consciousness. The mountainside spins and soon begins to darken, as Godzilla’s foot blots out the sun once again and starts to descend on the helpless Hulk.
Now there is no weak concrete or subterranean foundation to absorb the weight...just Hulk and impenetrable ancient rock. Hulk is done for.In the moments before the foot makes its final stomp, Banner’s voice rises up in Hulk’s mind....
Banner: Hulk, let me help you.
Hulk: Puny...Banner...Hulk...smash...
Banner: You’re finished. But I think I know how to end this.
Hulk has no choice. He dissolves away into the darkness, leaving weak, puny, human Bruce Banner lying in tattered clothes underneath the descending foot. Banner rolls his tiny fragile body out from underneath the stomping foot, and manages to escape death. He stands on the snowy ground, freezing in the bitter cold here atop the mountain.
Godzilla feels no crunch beneath his foot, but there is no more pain, so he doesn’t care what happened to the green bug. He’s tired...so very tired. Godzilla’s never had a fight like this before.
Ancient and exhausted, Godzilla sways under the weight of his own body. He’s confused, and doesn’t know how to get home. Only that he should sleep...
Helicopters from the military buzz overhead, thinking the battle to be over. That is when he hears a single voice, speaking in Japanese...that of Dr. Bruce Banner. Godzilla looks down at the tiny human, mostly naked atop the ancient peak. How did this human get up here?
“Godzilla!” Banner cries out. “Follow me! I’ll lead you back to the water.”
Banner knows the battle isn’t over yet...because he saw the stealth bomber circling, surely containing a nuclear weapon that will finish what Hulk could not. Banner may know the immense power of this beast, but he cannot condone the destruction of such an ancient, beautiful creature.
He looks up with honesty into the tired lizard’s eyes: “Trust me. I’ll lead you home.”
Then he adds: “I know what it’s like to be a monster.”
Banner grabs a discarded walking stick from the trail and descends the mountain, followed by Godzilla. The military communications channels buzz with indecision about what to do - but unwilling to destroy Bruce Banner, one of the greatest scientific minds the world has ever known, in a nuclear attack...they retreat.
Banner leads Godzilla back to the ocean, and the monster wades back into the blue deep, to sleep until his next confrontation.Dr. Bruce Banner watches the beast descend and eventually disappear beneath the waves.
A moment of blissful silence allows Banner to finally hear something pleasant: like birds chirping, and delicate waves lapping against the shore...
Then BEEP! BEEP!
Banner’s communications implant sounds off in his wrist. He activates it.
“Banner here.”
Tony Stark’s voice sounds surprised on the other line: “Banner? I was expecting to hear ‘Shut up Hulk busy,’ or something!”
“What do you want, Tony?”
“We’re all done here - The Brood are now in the Negative Zone. How’d things go with Godzilla?”
“He’s...not a problem anymore.”
Silence on the other end. Then Stark asks the important question: “Is he...dead?”
Banner smiles. “No, he’s not. Just sleeping.”
There is audible relief on the other line.
“That’s good,” Stark says. “That’s really good. Okay, well, get the mimosas ready. We’ll be home in a few hours.”
“Take your time,” Banner says as he looks out over the ocean. “I know a great Takoyaki spot in Osaka I want to visit.”
A S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter lands nearby, and Maria Hill waves to Banner to come on over. Banner nods to the still ocean, and to the beautiful, terrifying, ancient beast that is finally resting, safely far away from the humans that have taken over its once-serene planet...
THE END
THE VERDICT
So, all things considered, who is the winner? I’ve got to give the prize to Hulk. Godzilla is a being of incredible power, but Hulk’s ability to gain strength through absorption and anger, as well as having several other personalities at his disposal to pick up the slack when he begins to fail, gives him the slight advantage. Ultimately, it is Hulk’s inherent humanity that I think gives him the slight edge over his prehistoric counterpart.
But it’s unlikely to me that Godzilla would ever be down for good. After all, Godzilla is the Earth. He is nature itself. And no single force could ever totally destroy that. Even more important than that, I believe people like Banner will insist that we stop trying to destroy that which we cannot control, and learn to respect it instead.
***
Thanks for reading! I had a blast writing this and hope you had fun with your ringside seat. I have to give a special shout out to Alan Kistler, my friend, Comic Book Historian, creator of Crazy Sexy Geeks, as well as author of numerous books including Doctor Who: A History. He provided me with lots of expert knowledge on the abilities of The Hulk to help this showdown be as accurate as possible! So thanks for the advice, Alan!
You can find his awesome stuff at www.AlanKistler.com
Speaking of, you can find my awesome stuff (I mean, it’s sorta awesome, not mind-
blowingly awesome) at www.GrahamSkipper.com.
BRBRCK is a rapper and producer (and blogger, obviously) based in Brooklyn, NY. Check out his musical stylings here.